The weight of my decisions

Posted: March 31, 2014 by jennroig in English, Miscellaneous
Tags: , ,

…It’s something I can only calibrate a posteriori.

Sometimes I think I have made insurmountable mistakes that will make me bite the dust forever. Sometimes I feel lucky, even better, sometimes I feel like a visionary.

I believe everybody must feel something similar from time to time.

That means that I claim the weight of positive and negative decisions. I take responsibility for my mistakes, mo matter the cost, as much as I claim my fair share whenever some project I’ve been involved has turned out right.

Then, what I oppose, what I reject, it’s that notion that I hear from time to time that says “things happen for a reason”, or that “it was meant to be”, or that I am the way I am because at some unconscious level I’m the victim of I don’t know what crime committed when I was a girl or when I wasn’t even born. I reject to carry any weight that isn’t the burden my own actions.

There’s a bit of predestination in those sentences. And predestination basically implies that no matter what you do, how fast you run or how hard you work, ghost will always be there, or I will get to the same place no matter what. I do not take predestination. I believe there’s no destiny other than the destiny we all build, day by day.

Our present is the result of our past, but more importantly, is the seed of the future. Future is the most important tense, because it can be changed, and because it’s more real than anything else. Present is vanishing, the past no longer exists. Future is there, reachable, real, potential like a promise, haunting because it will take the toll of my mistakes.

There’s nothing that was meant to be. There’s only time to change directions.



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